I’m a very open and honest person; I don’t try to be something I’m not. I will always admit I don’t know everything which is actually one of the values of myself that I hold dear, it helps me always push myself.
Some of you may have noticed that I got engaged recently and am trying to plan a wedding which looks to be end of April 2013 so Danielle and I have plenty of time to plan. First up is location and picking guest list and the wedding party. All this planning is both fun and overwhelming, I knew there would be a lot of things but dealing with a woman who has been thinking about ideas for last 25 or so years quite a lot to keep up with.
Back when I was a teenager I was a very sensitive person which I allowed for things to hurt me. So as I matured I tried to grow away from that and have successfully been able to control my emotions a lot more. Hell, controlling what I think about has become pretty easy minus the big life things. So as I am planning the wedding and picking my wedding party I realized something that, to be honest, bothers me… friends.
When I was young, talking before I was 16, I had friends that I would hang out with. Once I started working I lost those friends and gained new ones which is fine. I’ve gone through a couple evolutions in my life and in each evolution I lost all my friends as they weren’t able or willing to be ok with my changes. They were friends but not good friends. There is one friend that has stuck with me for last 10 years and no doubt will be (and has accepted) to be my best man but I can’t have a wedding party of one. In my current evolution, my “geek” evolution I have made many new friends and am very happy with where I am with these friends but it still bothers me that I don’t have more friends from back when I was a kid or a teenager. I have pretty much chosen who is in my wedding party (haven’t asked everyone yet) and couldn’t be more thrilled for the group of guys I will be having don’t get me wrong, I have been in a couple wedding recently and see them having friends that have been around for a long time.
I guess the moral of this is growing up sucks. You want to hold on to what was but still move towards what will be. It’s a struggle, it’s a personal struggle. I have told Danielle that you can’t live in the past, all you can do is learn and move on. But your past is what made you, what sculpted you.
Disclaimer – I know this is personal and not really tech related but it is therapeutic to write things.